Completely mental.

This is just writing for the heck of it.

I had (and if I am honest, very likely still have) quite a number of mental and psychological issues, struggling with severe depression and chronic anxiety, not to mention some deep seated anger and perceptions of persecution and a very low self esteem. Some psychologists pan out the self esteem as an issue; yet having an extraordinarily low opinion of oneself is not very helpful or practical either.

I found myself gravitating towards meditation techniques, instinctively guessing that it was what I needed. For me it was do or die, I had to find something to bind the different parts of my mind and strengthen my personality or I felt like I would shatter.

And so I accumulated several practices, ranging from in depth study of orthodox prayers and the proper mental and spiritual attitude to have, the big question of the meaning of life, bits and pieces from Neuro Linguistic Programming, various types of Qigong, Tai Chi. I also did a bit of Yoga, but stopped after I strained my back doing the Sun Salute.

It’s mostly helpful, although on rare occasions the “black whirlwind” still manages to get through all my defences. But most of the time I’m quite placid and able to function.

The more physical forms of meditation also help a lot with chronic fatigue, although I seem to have found this out by slacking off and suffering the consequences. I had to resume my disciplines and practice them more consistently. One set of physical-mental (qigong and tai chi ) disciplines in the morning and prayer and more mental meditation in the evening.

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